There was a point in my life where I would be out and about with Garrett and I would repeatedly be asked, "Is he your only?" and after I answered yes it was always quickly followed by "Oh, you should have more!"
In the space of heartache I learned to smile gently and say "It's just not in God's plan right now." But I wanted to tell them how I tried. How I did my best to not lose heart with each pregnancy lost. How I came to dread that little room where all my dreams would vanish into thin air with every heartbeat lost. I wanted to tell them how I flinched when I saw my file labeled "habitual aborter" because my body kept rejecting the babies I so desperately wanted to keep. I wanted to tell them that I wanted it so bad that it eventually broke me and I had to let it go. But instead I learned to smile gently.
Today is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day and while this part of my story has never been a secret, I also don't really think I've ever shared in this space. But today I do because I want to let those of you who are learning to smile gently as strangers and loved ones ask well meaning questions that this is not the end of your story. Everyone's ending is different but this is not the end. There is light and love and laughter. I promise......
Today I remember my own journey and give thanks for these two who are constant reminders that there is light and love and laughter at the end of every heartache.
